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Archive for the ‘self-trust’ Category

Are you feeling stuck, unsure whether to stay in a less than satisfying situation, or whether to leave and find another way?

You are not alone.

Many times in my life, I have stayed in an unhealthy situation far too long.

I have blamed myself, and tried harder.

Or made excuses for the inappropriate behavior of others.  Something Buddhist Master Trungpa Rinpoche referred to as “Idiot Compassion“.   Otherwise known as enabling.

I have allowed fear of an unknown future to keep me frozen in an unacceptable present.

I have worried, ‘Out of the frying pan and into the fire’.

I have bucked up and taken the High Road.

And then I began to embrace Self Compassion and my own Worthiness.

I learned that while true self esteem is generated from deep within ourselves, our self esteem is also affected by how we are treated by those around us.

And even when we know we have done nothing to deserve bad treatment, even when we believe we are “Rising Above”, consistent exposure to toxicity is damaging to our sense of who we are.  And undoing that damage is challenging and time-consuming.

As I deepen my meditation practice and connect with the intuitive wisdom of my body, I’ve discovered another way to consider the question, ‘Do I stay, or do I leave?’

First, I ground and center myself.  I spend some time in meditation.  Then, I consider my present situation.  I attend to what I am experiencing in my body.  I notice I feel anxious.  My heart races, my chest tightens, my breath becomes short.

I am aware I now avoid the situation.  The energy field of my body shrinks and becomes dark when I enter into the situation.

I have tried constructive communication, and come away unsatisfied.  There has been gossip, stirring of the pot, scapegoating.  Violation of boundaries in communication.  Behaviors I do not want in my life.  Even though there are good things about the situation, the negative overshadows.

I have found an alternative situation.  I’ve spent time evaluating the new situation–asking questions, listening, checking in with the wisdom of my body.

I have weighed the objective criteria for each path, to avoid making a reactive decision.

Then, I visualize the new situation–and I feel my body opening, softening, expanding.  I experience a Lightness of Being.

And therein lies the essence of my decision.  I am moving towards the Light.

I engage this process more than once, on different days.  I seek Clarity, Spaciousness.

As move forward in my life, I know that embracing self compassion and my own worthiness go hand in hand with being treated with respect.

And when I am not treated respectfully, when there is a pattern of disrespect–when I observe the pattern of disrespectful behavior is also directed at other people–when my efforts to establish respectful communication are not met by the other, it is time to leave. 

With class and dignity, I walk the Goddess Walk.

Life is too short and too precious to waste on toxic situations.  No situation is perfect.  Life is never perfect.  But when the balance consistently shifts towards the negative, I choose to walk into the Light.

Perhaps you are at a crossroads in your life.

It is my genuine hope that you might find my personal process helpful, as you find your way.

XOXO,

Mara Rose

You might also like:

The New York Times Health Blog, Self Compassion.

Why We Gossip–And How to Stop

Ask, and You Shall Receive

Kindness Towards Ourselves, the Heart of Healing

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Are you afraid of fear?  You are not alone.

I believe many of us privately struggle with fear, afraid to expose our secret vulnerable selves to others.  I do.

I also believe we must embrace our vulnerability to discover our strength.

And that real intimacy begins only when we share our fragile vulnerable selves with others who are safe and non-judgemental.

Others who allow us to be who we are and let us have our stuff.  Others who can simply give us our space, or offer loving Presence, without trying to fix us, or tell us who to be–in order to make themselves more comfortable.

And, having said all that, for me, the actual doing of it, the for-real sharing of my vulnerable self to another person, is hard.  Especially, after a Fall.

And so I take baby steps.  Then I stop.  I breathe, deeply.  I listen.  And I ask myself, “What am I feeling?  What is my body telling me?  About this situation?  About this person?  Am I still safe?”

Slowly, carefully, I am learning to trust myself again.

Two of my favorite blogs are Live Bold and Bloom, written by Barrie Davenport, and A Certain Simplicity, by Diana Baur.  It was my pleasure this weekend to open my email from Barrie and find a guest post written by Diana.

Diana’s beautiful writing touched me deeply, as she spoke from her heart, with rare honesty and bravery, about living through anxiety and panic.  About how anxiety and panic almost derailed her, how she faced her fear, and how she found the strength to get back up again.

Here is the link to this rich post:

How to Get Up When We Break Down.

Many of us live with bouts of panic and anxiety.  I found Diana’s story profoundly inspiring and helpful.  Perhaps you will as well.

How do you face fear?

How do you embrace vulnerability?  Or hide from it?

How can we create a safe space for others to be who they are?

And for ourselves?

Love,

Mara Rose

Photo:  Dark Night, Full Moon, Stable

You might also like:

Ask, and You Shall Receive

Kindness to Ourselves, the Heart of Healing

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